KT #777 - MYLES JOHNSON + FUZZY KHILJI

First bucket pull of the night. 35 years old, born and raised in Tulsa, Oklahoma; works in the tent rental business and has a 13-year-old son who inspired him to return to comedy after quitting. Total time doing stand-up is about a year spread over two years. Interview covered three assault and battery charges he recently got expunged, a meth and benzo history, being raised by his white grandparents with a black next-door-neighbor cop, and a 13-14 hour masturbation session in a friend's attic on Halloween that produced the phrase 'athlete's penis.'

Fourth appearance on the show, not a debut. Almost three years doing stand-up, all of it in Austin; part-time bartender who also produces shows, and is reportedly getting paid for comedy by a promoter named Javi. Sober almost three years off alcohol and cocaine after rehab and past suicide attempts; hadn't kissed anyone or been on a date in roughly three years, so Tony brought an audience member in a USA jersey up on stage to kiss him. Much of the interview was about his flat-top/bristle haircut, which he got as a joke a year ago and kept.

Born in East LA but raised in El Paso from age three; UTEP student majoring in digital media production, and says 'wey' as a constant filler word. Works three jobs (account manager for a ticketing company, event center setup at UTEP, plus paid comedy gigs from the same El Paso promoter Javi), and has a girlfriend studying in Las Cruces. Set was about UTEP's football team and deportation; in the interview he mentioned going to Juarez for healthcare, apologized repeatedly to his girlfriend's parents, and closed by doing a loud Mexican whistle.

Tony announced her as a one-word name. Born in Malaysia, raised in Seattle from about age one, moved to Austin four years ago; three years doing stand-up and had been on the show before. Half Chinese and half white but repeatedly read as Mexican by the room. Said she was fired from her job in education after her last Kill Tony appearance and now works as a landscaper and house cleaner; interview covered a boyfriend of six weeks who doesn't love her, a prior engagement after one month, and a psych ward stay after a bad first mushroom trip that involved naked cartwheels and a misspelled sign. Her set was deliberately shock-heavy and Tony called it out as such.

59 years old with roughly 40 years in comedy, and got pulled two weeks in a row, which Tony called extremely rare. Moved to Austin about a month before the episode, was in special ed as a kid and jokes that he reads at a third grade level. Talked about his late best friend, comedy store legend John Mulrooney (captioned 'John Morun' / 'John Mol Rooney'), who was supposed to move to Austin with him and died after slipping on ice. Also covered his 89-year-old mother Joyce, getting a vasectomy at 32 to keep sleeping with a woman who wanted a baby, and delivered a string of old-school one-liners during the interview that Tony praised as a clinic.

Regular doing a brand new minute, introduced as the former dark storm of Atlanta and now the dark storm of Austin. Minute was entirely about having just been arrested and jailed in Japan (23 days) and coming back to a country he thinks has gone soft, anchored by riffs on automatic windshield wipers and on driving with no AC, no power steering and manual windows in the rain. Interview dug into the online comment that he had 'squandered' his opportunity, a word he claims never to have learned despite an ethics and philosophy degree, which became the episode's second running joke; he also described making friends with Japanese police who called him 'super comedian.'

Returning comic the show has known since its Los Angeles era and an early Austin road show at Spider House Ballroom; 11 years doing stand-up, Asian, from Pflugerville. Set covered drinking PBR, his parkour-artist older brother and his gastroenterologist sister. Spent much of the interview needling the two panelists for never reaching back once they made it, performed a mid-90s-style rap he wrote ten years ago about trading sex for food, and openly campaigned for headlining spots plus plugs for his Tuesday green room show and his Wednesday house show. Tony offered him a spot on the Thursday secret show.

Breakout of the episode and the night's golden ticket winner. 68 years old, from Atlanta with a thick drawl he says disappears at home; a career mortgage banker who didn't start stand-up until 57. Set and extended interview covered dating a 69-year-old great-grandmother, three ex-wives and roughly a million dollars in divorce costs, dating a schizophrenic woman with two personalities, and a run of polished one-liners. He also does motivational speaking on suicide awareness after two brothers died by suicide and a third attempted it, and wrote a book about it. Tony said he spent more time interviewing him than anyone else all night, awarded him the golden ticket at about 1:29:00, and Uncle G's immediate reply, asking who he should contact, became the episode's closing lesson. Tony billed him as the first ever 68-year-old golden ticket winner.

From Corpus Christi, going on three years in comedy, and had been on the show about a month earlier with Tom Segura and Sheryl Underwood. Set was a Cash App reimbursement bit about an Airbnb trip with his friends. Drew the toughest slot of the night following Uncle G, which Tony and Myles both noted; Myles gave him the note that he should have let the room settle before starting and that the joke had too much math in it. Also talked about blacking out drinking with AEW wrestlers including Sammy Guevara, and said research since his last appearance showed his mother's side is from Spain.

Returning older comic known to the audience for having been at the January 6th Capitol events, which Tony framed at length. Born in the 50s, smoked from childhood until quitting in her early 30s; still owns a house in Santa Ynez, California that she won't live in after her neighborhood turned on her, and is converting the historic property into a comedy club. Set was about her family peeing in the shower and about having sex with a 74-year-old man. Interview centered on newly released body camera footage she says will show a Capitol police officer striking her in the stomach; Tony said he believes she genuinely believes she was invited in, and gave her a big joke book while joking that he had assaulted her with it.

Last bucket pull of the night and his first time on the show; 27 years old, almost two years doing stand-up, and visibly nervous. Raised in Mansfield, Ohio (the Shawshank prison town, where his great-grandfather taught music at the old prison) and moved to Austin in 2020, getting arrested in Rockwall, Texas on the drive down for speeding with an eighth of weed, and spending about 16 hours in jail. Works as a server at a comedy club and repeatedly referenced his 'mentor in hospitality' Leighton, which the room found funnier each time. Just got engaged to a woman he served tables with, wedding set for October 16th, which turned out to be his divorced parents' anniversary. Also admitted the hobby he named, rollerblading, is something he can't actually do.

Closed the episode with a brand new minute, introduced as one of the best joke writers and performers in the show's history and as having gone viral that week with a Hitler joke. Minute covered gender reveal parties, threesomes and a Waymo/John Cena tag. Both panelists said they love him and noted they had been working the door since the club opened while regulars like him built the scene. In the interview he said that by the end what he wanted from the golden ticket was mainly not to have to wait with the sign-up crowd at Shakespeare's anymore, and described fights and people using the line for shelter, including one night that was reportedly Fuzzy and Drew Nickens wrestling over a girl. Plugged Pat O'Neal Comedy on Instagram and YouTube, plus upcoming Madison Square Garden and Las Vegas dates.