KT #782 - RON WHITE + JERRON HORTON

First bucket pull of the night and her second appearance on the show (she previously announced her divorce on episode 693). Six years in standup, Puerto Rican born and raised, mother of two girls aged five and seven, and about to graduate from barbering school. Revealed she is an Afghanistan veteran with a bullet wound in her shoulder, which drew a big reaction. Ron White and Tony both told her the written material was tired but that her natural interview personality was genuinely funny and should be what she puts on stage. Spelling of the stage name is a guess; captions rendered it several different ways.

Third appearance (he said he had been on twice before) and hits 13 years in standup in September. Former cook now doing temp work and weekend road dates, most recently Wichita, Kansas. Self-described history nerd; his set and much of the interview were history material, and he is also Puerto Rican, which made him the second Puerto Rican in a row. Notable detail: he does Uber Eats on foot because he has no car, after years of chronic anxiety and panic attacks kept him from driving at all.

Brand new name out of the bucket and a standout. Age 30, born and raised in Las Vegas, moved to Austin about a year ago, five years in standup. Works as a hibachi chef in Austin and says he is the company's diversity hire; his set was kitchen and restaurant material. Half Vietnamese on his father's side with a white mother. Claimed he could guess someone's body count from their voice and correctly guessed Jerron Horton's at 11, then closed the interview by freestyle rapping over a beat he called for at 140 BPM in E minor. Tony called it a perfect set and perfect interview.

46 years old with roughly a year and a half in standup; his set was midlife-crisis material about painted nails, earrings and looking as young as his two teenage daughters (13 and 15). Ron White gave him the harshest note of the night, telling him plainly that it was a bad job and that he needed actual punchlines. Long HR and compensation career including ten years at the Federal Reserve, fired six or seven times, now drives Uber. Does improv with a troupe he called Five Star Review and performs at retirement homes; Tony had him attempt one-person improv on stage, which did not land.

Second appearance in two weeks, which Tony called extremely lucky. Three years in standup, started in Vegas and now mostly Austin, works DoorDash and Fiverr. Set included Charlie Kirk and Chuck Norris death jokes and a roommate bit. Interview covered a situationship that ended after he talked to a previous week's guest comic (captioned as Jeff Harker / Jeff R Curry) and decided he felt cucked, his quitting porn and masturbation, and a long riff about his weights. Told a story about being woken by three teenagers trying to steal the car he was living in; Redban ran an extended insult bit throughout, and Dedric Flynn later flatly accused him of making the robbery story up. He was upgraded from a medium to a big joke book.

Elite regular, introduced as the former dark storm of Atlanta and now the dark storm of Austin, with a brand new minute built around treating a boobs-versus-butt question as politics and answering it in restaurant-menu terms. Tony noted he ran about 30 seconds long as usual. After his set he took over the panel, calling Danny V a liar about the three-black-kids robbery story, then launched a long, crowd-pleasing riff about the movie Remember the Titans and about white players in the NFL preseason. Tony plugged his upcoming Kill Tony road dates in Dallas, Houston and Vegas plus New Year's Eve at the Moody Center.

GOLDEN TICKET WINNER and the breakout of the episode; billed himself on stage as 'the comedy seller' and a 'suburb negro', with a set about how white people treat dogs. Haitian, raised in North Jersey (Bergen County), turning 41, a decade-plus in standup after years of off-off-Broadway bar theater in New York, and a former door-to-door Verizon FiOS salesman who says he made about $120k a year at it. Moved to Austin in March of last year specifically for Kill Tony and said he had signed up roughly 45 times without ever being pulled. Got a 16-minute interview in which he repeatedly took over the room, offered to be Tony's stylist, and name-dropped Ryan Long as a friend. Tony awarded the golden ticket around 1:27:01 and said he did more jokes than the preceding bucket pulls combined.

GOLDEN TICKET WINNER, awarded around 1:37:23, making this the first episode ever with back-to-back golden ticket winners. Set was about his gay sister and his own reputation as the gayer sibling. Seven years in standup, three and a half in Austin, from Cadeau (captioned 'Katau'), Alabama, a town of about 1,200 people; started in biker bars in Sheffield, Alabama and did radio in Florence for six years. Works as the second-newest door guy at the Comedy Mothership and also at a Fourth Dimension escape room. Spoke candidly about major depressive disorder, therapy provided through the Mothership's mental health program, and a 2019 suicide attempt his father talked him out of over the phone, which got a standing reaction. Ron White asked him on the spot to do a set for him in September.

Introduced by Tony as Darnell but identified himself on stage as Donnell Graves. Started standup in 1999, about 27 years ago, broken up by a 25-year military career as a Marine Corps K-9 handler in Iraq, Afghanistan and Washington DC looking for explosives. Before enlisting he was a strip club DJ starting in 1992, working Louisiana, the Carolinas, Texas, California and Okinawa, Japan; he performed his old rump-shaker-contest DJ intro on request. Now retired after also working as a civilian contractor, single, and says he only wants to crack jokes and be happy.

Visiting from Cleveland, Ohio for only three days and flying out the next day. Fourteen years in standup, works at a Swensons restaurant, and hosts a Thursday 8pm show at the Unhinged Lounge in Cleveland, which Tony plugged for northeast Ohio listeners. Has six kids, three of them his own, youngest being 11-year-old twins and oldest 21. Bonded with Tony over playing a lot of phone chess, which set off a long panel argument about chess apps and Redban's AI music. Tony (from Youngstown) riffed on Cleveland throughout and complimented how well his haircut matched his deadpan delivery.

Final bucket pull of the night. Age 35, turning 36 that Saturday, originally from Detroit, moved to Austin a week after Thanksgiving and has about nine months in standup. Executive sous chef at Frank and Margie's under multiple-Michelin-starred chefs, which Tony was impressed by. His set was about a Tinder match who disclosed a terminal cancer diagnosis and his pitch for a dating app for the terminally ill. The interview turned into the most serious stretch of the episode: nearly a year sober after more than ten inpatient rehabs, counselors who told him to give up, homelessness in Tucson, cocaine and later heroin at 31, and the morning he woke up to a room full of passed-out people and a stripper who had taken his stimulus check. Name spelling is the weakest in this file.

Closed the show as the regular Tony calls an anomaly and a freak of nature, fresh off two sets at Madison Square Garden. Tight set of short, hard-punchline jokes about dumb women and about being called 'daddy' in bed, ending on an altar boy tag. Tony raved at length about the writing and execution, Jerron Horton said he had never seen him live and compared him to a Rick and Morty version of Scarface, and Ron White (who marked 40 years in standup on September 17) said he walked out on the balcony to watch him, found him that good, and has since brought him up to do spots in the big room.