KT #770 - TOM SEGURA + SHERYL UNDERWOOD

Resident regular who writes a new minute weekly; introduced as formerly 'the Dark Storm of Atlanta,' now 'the Dark Storm of Austin.' Set was about living alone for the first time and buying his first couch - a $10,000 'bone-in' couch vs. an $800 vacuum-sealed 'boneless' one, plus his $200 blender and guest bedroom. In the interview he said everything he'd ever owned was a hand-me-down, that he bought a big TV first because he found a gray hair, and Sheryl Underwood praised his 1831 shirt.

First bucket pull; blind (about 2% vision in each eye) from type 1 diabetes, which also kept her out of the military after 9/11. Set was Catholic-church material ending on a kneeling-posture punchline. Moved to Austin in November and praised its accessibility; less than two years in comedy. Long automotive resume - auto body and welding, mechanics, managed seven Jiffy Lubes by 21, drove a tow truck, made six figures. Sheryl opened by asking if she was pregnant; she brought D Madness a miniature black Jesus as a gift.

Roughest set of the night. Told a rambling hot-tub-and-fingers anecdote about his Texas girlfriend that he admitted he and she made up that same day. About a year in comedy, performing only about twice a month. Tony, Sheryl and Tom Segura all criticized him for showing up unprepared; his backup joke (mushrooms vs. ibuprofen) also missed. Sheryl told him to stop running material past his girlfriend and to study joke mechanics, not material.

Real first name Joel (Instagram handle heard as 'Joel Tyrie'); picked a stupid stage name thinking it improved his bucket odds after signing up as Joel for a year and a half. Set was a bit about the golden age of American advertising turning into dancing-in-laundry-commercials. From Missouri, two years in comedy in Austin, former factory worker. Claimed he makes donuts, then admitted he'd lied and is unemployed with about $1,500 saved against $900 rent, planning to sell his Tempur-Pedic mattress and sleep on the floor.

First time ever doing stand-up - Tony called him the best bucket pull of the night to that point. Set was a true story about pepper spray leaking onto his partner's butt plug and the glass-of-milk aftermath. From Maryland, five years in New York, then Baltimore, where he mounted pepper spray on all three floors of a brownstone and kept a shotgun. Works in SEO and 'manipulating algorithms,' self-described gray hat; formerly a Michelin-star restaurant server. Got roasted repeatedly for wearing shorts and told never to do it again; landed his biggest laugh on a stat about Tony's search volume vs. Redban's.

From Corpus Christi, two and a half years in comedy, signed up for two years before finally getting pulled. Set was about a Filipina woman he assumed was either an ICE agent or after a green card, so he proposed - punchline being he isn't legal either. Delivers packages for a living after quitting security-system installation. Told a story about being kicked out of a Whataburger in Corpus for allegedly 'wrestling around' with his friend Matt Edgar while their headliner got arrested defending them. Admitted his 'family from Spain' claim was really Mexico.

Two years in comedy, also from Corpus Christi and a longtime friend of Chris Longoria; moved to Austin about a month ago. Set was a superstition/black-cat bit with a 'there goes the neighborhood' turn. Saved money working at Enterprise and now lives out of Buc-ee's, Airbnbs and Super 8s rather than signing a lease. Raised his son alone from three months old after the mother, a stripper, left; she was a top-ten Corpus Christi most wanted, evaded police six months to a year and is now in prison for armed robbery. Admitted that at age seven he handed the boy to the grandmother. Tom Segura praised his stage presence; Tony gave him the big-joke sound.

Signed up from inside the venue that night, representing the audience. Strong self-deprecating fat set - bench stress-testing, a 'carpenter sleep paralysis demon,' load-bearing suspenders and Overeaters Anonymous. About 18 months in comedy, started in New Jersey and moved to Austin roughly eight months ago; 33 years old, works at Trader Joe's. Girlfriend is 50 (17-year age gap) and works at H-E-B, making him a step-grandfather; his father went from 350 pounds to bodybuilding after a divorce. Tom Segura called him by far the standout of the night and Redban booked him on Thursday's secret show.

Hall of Fame regular introduced as one of the most legendary in show history. Set was about dating a white woman, her small dog, and praying not to be reincarnated as a Black man - he'd rather come back as a white person's dog or a rescue pit bull. Traded roasts with Tony (ice-cream-cone build, camo pants) and with Sheryl. Mentioned writing for the roast of Kevin Hart and just wrapping his first full-length film, shot in Gaffney, South Carolina with Jonathan Majors, due out around October or November.

First time ever doing stand-up. Set played on being born in Nairobi and therefore 'African-American,' with his mother as a drug smuggler and him as the mule, ending on white privilege in the Bronx. Mother from Corpus Christi who claimed to be Cherokee; father English. One eye is non-functional after a machete accident in the mountains and he keeps losing his eye patch. Ran a contemporary experimental circus in Paris for a stretch - presented the show and ran the bar afterward. Wife Susan is an East German refugee he met in Switzerland. Tony told him flatly that he was boring.

Second time ever on stage and the runaway oddity of the episode - came out in half a clown suit facing away from the crowd and sang a gay parody of a famous sitcom theme, which Tony said YouTube copyright rules would force them to cut. Age 45; drives Uber, cares for his mother since his father died. Former child actor who played 'Rapper' on Commander Kelly and the Super Kids for Kenneth Copeland Ministries for roughly a decade, plus a cut Walker, Texas Ranger appearance; epileptic; grandfather wrote an Elvis gospel song. Pitched an unmade street-interview show called 'Asian Girls.' Tony called him possibly the most accidentally hilarious person ever on the show.

Final bucket pull and Kill Tony debut. Set was P. Diddy and R. Kelly wordplay. Two years in stand-up, about 15 years acting; grew up in a small East Texas town and is the son of country singer Neal McCoy. Works for boot company Lucchese, three or four years in. Lived in Los Angeles for seven years and left after being robbed at gunpoint near Lankershim and Victory in North Hollywood, losing about $500 he'd brought back from a cruise - the described-the-suspects bit drew the biggest laughs and Sheryl's main note.

Introduced as the full-time newest regular and closed the show. Very dark, tightly written set - abortion, a red-confetti gender reveal, a vasectomy-as-microdosing line, and a bathroom-bill joke ending in 'not guilty.' Tony said he only hits home runs. Sheryl, seeing him for the first time, compared him to Emo Philips on acid and told him not to change; Tom Segura, also seeing him for the first time, called it a fun, solid way to wrap the night. Redban announced he's bringing Pat to San Diego with Rachel Wolfson.